


as we are

by talonyth



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, UshiOi Week 2016, kinder surprise v2
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-09
Updated: 2016-02-13
Packaged: 2018-05-19 06:07:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5956492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/talonyth/pseuds/talonyth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ficlet collection for Ushioi week!<br/>Day 1 - a kingdom of my own (royalty): Ushijima is a clingy king and Oikawa is a warmth-seeking ex-king.<br/>Day 2 - typhlosis (making up): None out of ten times, it's Ushijima getting upset. At least, that's how Oikawa thought it was.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. a kingdom of my own

**Author's Note:**

> i'm so thirsty for ushioi lately, i'm so glad this week is happening even if i will probably always be like two days behind but!!! ushioi!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ushijima is a clingy king and Oikawa is a warmth-seeking ex-king.

Shivers are running down Oikawa’s skin, grumbles dripping over his lips as his hands grasp for the missing duvet. It’s promptly replaced with warmth, not caused by cloth but by skin burning on his, arms wrapping around him firmly and keeping him in place. He indulges himself, sinking into the touch and sneakily slipping his feet underneath Ushijima’s duvet instead. A monarch could certainly spare at least _a little_ of it. Not like he doesn’t have enough. 

It’s unusual, for a morning to be so calm. Not so unusual that he has been waking up in Ushijima’s overly large and pompous room that doesn’t match his personality in the slightest. Not so unusual Ushijima clings to him as soon as he moves, either. He’s disgustingly honest, even without a single word. Like his whole existence is made of boldness and sincerity. 

If only he had slain him when he had the chance to. Oikawa opens his eyes, sees nothing but bare skin and wonders when his thoughts shifted from wanting to see Ushijima dead to… this. Whatever it is they have. It’s nothing any of them had put into words, nothing they had sealed. Creeping up to them, to both of them. They were enemies before. They _still_ are, Oikawa tries to recall. 

His people lost their homes, their families in the war against Ushijima’s. They’d been completely dominated, no matter how stubbornly they fought against this, now mere subordinates of this large kingdom Ushijima calls his own. It’s been years ever since, years Oikawa spent thinking of ways to reclaim his autonomy over and over again. To no avail. 

Backhanded ways like assassinations weren’t Oikawa’s style - not for Ushijima, at least. His desire to fight him head-on too grand, pride too strong to simply sneak poison in his glass after gaining his trust like some of his prior advisors had suggested. Good for them they had no position anymore they could be fired from or else Oikawa would have done it in a heartbeat. For them to even suggest such manners was an insult to him. 

And so, those years Oikawa formed an odd sort of bond with Ushijima. Not quite trust, not quite mistrust either. No tender love nor ardent hatred that coated Oikawa’s heart for the longest time. It shifted into something he has no word for and neither does Ushijima. Comfortable yet surreal, sunken in over the time so gradually that Oikawa never noticed when he preferred proximity rather than distance, fervour in Ushijima’s eyes caused by lust rather than thirst for blood as before. 

Perhaps caused by growing age or an acceptance that has nothing to do with a loss of pride as malicious voices have been spreading, Oikawa can’t explain this shift to anyone who asks. Too often accused of seducing the king just to steal his throne along with his heart even though that had been the last thing on his mind. He remembers a feeling of repulse going through him at the mere mention of Ushijima’s name before he claimed everything Oikawa owned. Oh, how much has changed. 

Once before, they were both kings. Conquered. Ruled. Fought. None of them better or worse a monarch to their people, it was a simple matter of numbers that caused Seijou to fall rather than Shiratorizawa. No matter how smart the tactics, how tenacious the soldiers, Shiratorizawa was a force they couldn’t have defeated. Now, Seijou has become a part of Ushijima’s kingdom, ever expanding, ever conquering. It all went back to normal quicker than Oikawa would have thought it possible, people leading their lives as happily as before even when the lead changed so forcefully. They were safe in Ushijima’s hands and despite the frustration of not being able to do the same for them, it is all that matters to him. Over the time, Oikawa feels like this is what had truly sunken in along with whatever it is his heart holds for Ushijima. He is a king no more but his eyes will never cease to watch over them, to keep them safe with every fibre of his being, body and mind. 

When Oikawa shuffles closer and presses his forehead against Ushijima’s chest, steady heartbeat thrumming against it with heavy breath calm and slow, arms closing around him even tighter, it feels like he conquered a kingdom of his own, inhabited and ruled by just the two of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ah, oikawa turned out so conflicted. well, in the end, his thoughts always revolved around taking care of his people and knowing they aren't in hands as bad as he thought they would be, he enjoys himself quite a bit with ushijima. it could have been worse. _a lot_ worse.


	2. typhlosis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> None out of ten times, it's Ushijima getting upset. At least, that's how Oikawa thought it was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow ushioi week is almost over and i just finished the second prompt  
> i'm so on time it's ridiculous  
> well anyway, here we go!

“I don’t _want_ to talk about this anymore,” Ushijima says, voice hoarse as he pulls back his chair, leaving the rest of the dinner right there on his plate. His food is hardly touched, strange for someone who has a usually so healthy appetite. It leads to an equal loss of will to eat for Oikawa. 

He has never seen Ushijima upset before, not like this. Despite his strong and fierce personality, he is surprisingly rooted, hardly ever impulsive as on court. When there are fights, it’s usually Oikawa getting agitated about the smallest things, quite often even at this level-headedness Ushijima shows he simply can’t get behind. It leaves him wondering whether there is anything that could shake him. 

Apparently there is, and Oikawa had no idea before he put it into words. Talk about knowing your partner best. Perhaps their relationship had been a mistake after all. It’s like they still don’t understand each other despite the last three years they’ve lived together. 

Not always as a couple, originally just an emergency residence for Ushijima who never elaborated why he sought out /his/ presence among all those he could have turned to. Why he needed somewhere to stay so suddenly. But despite Oikawa’s usually so nosy personality, he never asked. Felt like his tongue was made of lead, his throat tied together tightly whenever he tried, even jokingly. 

It feels bizarre, in hindsight. 

Oikawa just knew Ushijima wouldn’t ask him for help if it hadn’t been an absolute necessity. That much, Oikawa always knew - Ushijima was a proud man, and proud men don’t ask for help like he did that night, with voice giving way and an expression so forced to keep himself together.

Oikawa figured that after three years and a tremendous change in their relationship, he might at least poke around a little bit but he should have probably sat that one out. Waited until Ushijima would tell him. It’s a problem, with Ushijima. So used to being able to tell how people think, what they can and can’t do, Oikawa has lost track of how to deal with someone he can’t see through at all. 

Not because Ushijima is complicated. In fact, he is more than just simple. And honest. He doesn’t hide anything, doesn’t even try to and neither is he the type to have a complicated string of thoughts. The answer for that had come so naturally out of Iwaizumi’s mouth back when Oikawa complained about this that he still feels the slight disgust creeping up his back. 

_’Love is blind’_ , Iwaizumi grinned, and that had been certainly the first time Oikawa had a name to that odd sort of feeling he carried with him. _’I heard hatred and love aren’t that far apart anyway. Maybe it’s that.’_

That Iwaizumi, of all people, would give him love advice - how embarrassing it felt back then. But now, quite a while later, it might be just that. Frustratingly so, Oikawa is still not able to see Ushijima through. He covers his face in his hands, slaps his cheeks and runs his fingers through his hair, ruffling them in an attempt to clear his head. 

It helps, a little bit, and he finally finds himself capable of standing and walking up to the door of their bedroom. He lifts his hand and breathes out. There were times where he would have welcomed seeing Ushijima all upset and worked up - life sure takes weird turns, sometimes. 

He knocks, and his heart is thumping, hurting against his chest. “Listen, the food is going cold. It’ll be a waste.” Shit, it’s so much more difficult to apologize than being the one who is angry. And didn’t that sound too much like an Ushijima thing to say? He could have said _anything_ and it would have been less his boyfriend and more him. How should he--- 

The door swings open and Ushijima’s expression, it’s the same he remembers from back then. He looks so hurt and yet his eyes are averted as if he felt guilty. Oikawa’s lungs burn with every breath, squeezing his heart tightly in an iron clutch. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have left like that in the middle of dinner. That was uncalled for.”

What a terribly quiet and meek voice. It doesn’t suit him at all. And it should never. “What are you apologizing for? Are you an idiot?” Oikawa crosses his arms and it feels relieving to feel anger boiling up. Against himself more than against Ushijima. And the fact that he thinks this is /his/ fault in the first place. “I was the one who screwed up, right? See, since I’m mature now and not like I used to be in high school,” and he doesn’t quite know why he stresses this _now_ of all things but he guesses he hates losing to Ushijima even when it’s about consideration, “it’s not beyond me to apologize. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have pried.”

It’s a breeze of fresh air, now that it’s out. Iron hands around his heart molten immediately. Even if not knowing is still bugging him but at least he’s shown Ushijima he can do this sort of thing too. He doesn’t seem to care about that (irritatingly). 

“It’s fine, I should have told you. I was grateful, in the beginning, that you didn’t ask. Even if I told myself I was ready to explain if you ever asked me, I found myself relieved too often at passing a day successfully without having to.” Ushijima breathes out, expression still as tense as before. 

All of this looks so misplaced on him and Oikawa can’t help but laugh about his past self wanting to see exactly _this_ inflicted by him. Ushijima suffering and wavering, losing all that high and mighty composure, seeing his broad back slump as he can’t find the right words to say. It doesn’t feel satisfying in the slightest that he knows of this part now. His knowledge is broader now that he has seen - and he comes to the conclusion that he prefers Ushijima’s nearly indistinguishable expressions of joy than this. 

Love is such a manipulative, torturous feeling.

“It started suffocating me, little by little. I knew I couldn’t hide this from you. I didn’t _want_ to hide anything. I meant to tell you. But I simply never found the right time. I thought I could do it, after all this time. But when you asked me, my first impulse was to run. I’m sorry.” 

Ushijima lowers his head, avoiding any kind of eye contact with Oikawa, anything that could give him away. Like his words hadn’t been enough. Idiot, as Oikawa was saying. He doesn’t learn, not in this regard. 

With a little too much force, Oikawa smacks both of his palms against Ushijima’s cheeks and cups his face to tilt it up, huffing right into his face. “Listen, don’t destroy my shining moment of kindness, alright? This was /my/ show so don’t ruin it by apologizing, are we clear? You always want to take the cake, but let me tell you a thing. This is /my/ cake and you keep your damn hands off of it.”

The soon he finished talking, he presses his lips against Ushijima’s and feels his cheeks heating up at how embarrassingly clumsy this feels, squeezing Ushijima’s cheeks and trying not to open his eyes because he wouldn’t be able to take surprise on Ushijima’s face of all things. But as love is, he is tempted to peek anyway and his heart flutters at how calm Ushijima looks again, not objecting to the graceless and rough handling as he leans into the kiss. 

“Maybe I’ll share a bit of the cake,” Oikawa breathes against his lips, pleased with the feeling of Ushijima’s palms resting on his waist, “Just because I’m feeling nice.” He raises a finger to Ushijima’s lips, “But sweets are after dinner so we can have plenty of time to enjoy it.”

There is a small smile tugging at Ushijima’s lips and Oikawa is inclined to gasp but swallows it down when Ushijima whispers nearly inaudible, “Thank you.”

Manipulative and torturous, blinding and muting and yet so eternally rewarding, Oikawa finds he hates love for turning both him and Ushijima so weak. But love and hatred, they aren’t far apart after all. Or so they say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in the end, i guess i never really explained what happened to ushijima. supposedly, he broke ties with his family that he lived with until he stood in front of oikawa's door and for a lack of proper bonding and a sufficient distance to any other friends he has, he sought out oikawa's help. but being the person he is, ushijima never quite managed to get over the loss of that and oikawa might have asked him something trivial like "aren't you gonna go visit your parents for once" without even thinking about it. oops 
> 
> the more you know. well, they probably talked this out and ushijima got his piece of cake. maybe literally, maybe figuratively - maybe _both_ , who even knows


End file.
